i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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