I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
