we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
