Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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