You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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