the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
