a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
