What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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