sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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