he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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