Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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