Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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