Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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