They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
