I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
