Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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