I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
