also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
