I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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