Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
