I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
