Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
