erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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