Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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