i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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