Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
