you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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