After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
