Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am one with the molecules
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize