Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My ass is underappreciated
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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