When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
