Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
