he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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