You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
