I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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