you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
