Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
