If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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