i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
