So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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