Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
