bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
