So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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