Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
