I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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