Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
