I faked an abortion last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
