i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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