I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
