even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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