i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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