Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
