if you like me you must not know who I am
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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