I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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