Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
