I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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