Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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