wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
