i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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