i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
