how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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