I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
