strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
