I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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