so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
