I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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