Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
