no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize