Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
