Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
