Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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