Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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