bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
