My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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