He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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