But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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