yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
