i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
