I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
