I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
