i don't like sucking hair
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
