just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
