Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize