your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
