good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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