So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
