I should be sponsored by Trojan
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize