Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
